Tag Archive | Mermaid

Opposites attract….

I owe my readers an apology, this month has been… well… shitty.  I have had so much negative and sorrowful energy surrounding me that I have failed to keep up with Mommy’s Mermaid, failed to return messages via FB, text & email to people reaching out and failed to really be present in anything. I am far from a stranger to tragedy or heartbreak but these past few weeks consumed me. I allowed myself to be sucked into things that were and are completely out of my control. It’s ok, we all do it, I know this, but why right now, do I suddenly feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Perhaps I wallowed in self pity long enough that it got old, maybe I realized things would slowly turn around, or maybe… it took one tiny small event to shift the waters.

Friendships are formed in the oddest of places. I have formed one with a fellow nevus Mommy on the complete opposite side of the country. Opposites attract right! Over the past year or so we have talked late into the night about life, family, our kids, this disease we despise. Shared products, ideas, information from our dermatologists, happiness and our anger.

A few nights ago a conversation started and things were said that changed my outlook. This friend of mine told me about her recent frustrations and shared about their Dermatology  visit that day. Their Physician told her that everyday she writes down four things that make her day great, and today, she would be one of those four. She told me she should start doing the same and that today, I was one of her four. She shared with her physician how much our conversations meant to her.

It’s mind boggling to me that I could be of any help/support to anyone, let alone be one of the great things in their day when I was struggling to find just ONE great thing over the past few weeks…. and that’s where it changed. Yes, I have been sad, I have been a big hot mess, to be honest, I’m not sure how I even managed to appear normal the past few weeks, but somewhere admist my travels down the rabbit hole, I gave enough to make someone elses day great.

It reminded me that no matter what we are all going through, despite our own depiction of what we are, we are ALL effecting one another. Take that in for minute…

Pretty wild isnt it? The smallest of gestures or words can completely alter ones mindframe.

Funny thing is… every time we talk, she is one of my four great things in my day. There are few people that understand Mermaid’s disease, even if they think they do, they dont ask about it or truly understand the fears that coincide with it… and they shouldnt have too. That’s my job, our job, as Mom’s, to carry that worry, to work together to not only build the confidence in our children about their “beauty marks” but build the confidence in one another to be that source of strength.

This disease cannot be cured by lotions, diet changes, medications or heaven forbid; surgeries. It’s here, to stay. Some barely noticeable to the eye, others… plagued with what others consider “unsightly”. Until you live it, I’m not sure you will really truley understand the feelings behind a child asking you to make it stop, to – in Mermaid’s words “take me to the doctor so he can take my scales” to a sobbing little one from the itching and pain or that dreaded call of being told you or your child has in fact developed complications.

What we cannot fix, we can absolutely, undeniably make acceptable. We can make this disease always be number one on our list of great things that happened today, for without it, we would not have learned the level of compassion, strength and protection we all own.

We often forget that where we cannot always control the things that happen around us, we CAN control how we react and handle them. I for one, was quietly reminded of this. Mermaid’s disease is often a foot note in our journey, especially these past few weeks, but wherever our path is heading, I am happy to have you all on it.

To my fellow Nevus Mommy, my friend and my late night confidant, I thank you for sticking by me, for encouraging me, and for always being there to sort things out.

I challenge everyone reading this to write down four things that made your day great.

We have a lot of great nevus stuff coming up, making a home remedy, the discovery of a new medication and some great events to share so forgive me for our brief absence but stay tuned!

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy

Sun’s up…

It seems like only days ago it was near dark as I drove home from work. I’m use to it spending the majority of my life in the Pacific Northwest, and don’t get me wrong, I love it here, I have tried living other places only to miss my four distinguished seasons; but this year I seem to be ready sooner than most for longer days.

Nearly overnight we went from being stuck inside from 5:00 pm until the following day, to not even thinking about stepping foot inside until close to 8:00. The past few nights we have witnessed the signs of summer creeping in. The neighbors came out and we shared an evening walk/bike ride, dinner on the patio, lawns being mowed, flowers blooming, birds chirping… It’s as if new life has taken form on our sleepy country road.

Those that know me well; know one of my happy places is surrounded by our friends. Many of them I consider family. The first sight of sunshine and I was already planning a BBQ. Yes, I love our friends, but their presence is so much more than just company. These are the people who stood beside us as we said our vows, paced the lobby with my family when Mermaid was refusing to join us in the world, cried with us when we lost loved ones, supported me when I said I have this crazy idea to start sharing our life online, reached out and waited just as impatiently as we did for Mermaid’s diagnosis, get us through our days when we are away from our family and did all of this, plus countless more, not because they had too, bound by blood, but because they wanted too.

(Don’t worry those of you that couldn’t make it, we feel the same about you!)

We are blessed ten fold to be surrounded by people who despite our individual religious or political views, despite where we came from or where were headed, continue to make that choice in walking with us. I have spoke before about how important the people we walk through life are, they have helped shape who we are today and who we will become tomorrow. They are a solid. It’s important to me to show that solidarity to Mermaid, to show her that from the beginning she has had all this support. That despite her differences, she is now and always will be surrounded by a solid. If we can teach her now, the importance of building those meaningful, lasting relationships, she will build that for herself when we are no longer responsible for her surroundings.

I took a brief moment to stand in the kitchen, veered past the dried out yellow rose in my window sill, and watched life happen from a distance. I saw one of our Groomsmen catering to a 3 year old child he felt as his own, a couple well on their way to beginning life – attempting to have a child, a former co-worker turned best friend laughing a belly laugh I hadn’t seen in quite some time, my soul sister watching her new love with gazing eyes, Our responsible DD on duty waiting for her next call indulging in everyone’s antics, Newer friends sliding into the madness as if they had been there forever.. I paused, took it all in… and rejoined life.

I hope if for nothing else in this world for my Mermaid, that one day, she too, will look out her own window and see  how grand life can be. That for small moments in time we are all connected, all the same, despite how different we really are.

I started this post the night after our BBQ, above is as far as I made it, I had a better ending, I had a real connection to my point, but that fell short by one of the people I gazed out at…. tragically losing their life the following day. I have hesitated to post this, perhaps it would feel inappropriate in the wake of life’s events, drudge up hurt or sorrow, but I decided to finish. Afterall, our journey, be it Doctors appointments, public shame, questions, is what I signed up for. I took an oathe to myself and or readers to share our journey, so I will now try to conclude.

Many moons ago I met an amazing young woman, we went to college together. We started within a short time of eachother at the same company, in the same department, with the same doctors. Our professional connection means little. I honestly cant remember a time in my life where said person and I couldnt pick up the phone and hash out lifes issues, Through weddings and babies, SO many crazy nights, our “crew” moving away, making new lives, and finding ourselves, we were there.

I hadnt seen her happiness shine through the way it did that day in a long time. They were the couple starting a new life – attempting to have a child. Her better half lost his life in a tragic motorcycle accident the following day. For someone who feels pretty confident in their words, I don’t at this time. I wish I could say that things get easier with time, I can’t. I want to text, call, show up and think that my presence makes it better, but I know it doesn’t. I KNOW more than anyone could ever possibly imagine that an event of this magnitutde leaves you stranded.

Here is what I will remember, on a sunny day in April,  rare to the pacific northwest, I got to laugh and share about life with the person that made her so happy. We shared not only a Birthday month, but a work anniersary. That for a brief moment, I stood back and watched, I saw, I know, what happiness is.

I cannot give the happy ending I intended this post to have the way I would like too, but what I can do, is promise you, promise you all, anyone that takes the time to read this, that whether you know I feel it, or see it, your presence, big and small, gives me hope for better days. Your mere presence gives me the strength to continue writing about our journey and know, to really, really know, that Mermaid has the best most amazing foundation anyone could ask for.

Our random April get together was sporadic, it was fed by my own selfish need to feel the rays on my back and the love of our friends, and it will forever remain that.

I will share with Mermaid, later in life, the people that made me… well… me… and to everyone present, know that you too, will forever be a part of our solid.

Cheers to sunny Saturday’s.

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy

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Happy Birthday Mommy’s Mermaid!

Today officially marks ONE YEAR of Mommy’s Mermaid. I want to start by thanking each and every one of you that are reading this now, and anyone that has ever stopped in to see what we are up too. Without you, we would not still be here.

I had this idea for a while before starting it and one night decided just to jump in head first. I knew absolutely nothing about the blogging world. I had no idea how to start, how to get eyes on my writing or how to share our journey. I am still learning but have found a few avenues to help gain publicity and for that, I am ever so grateful.

I knew if it was going to flop I would know fairly quickly. I remember my first month having nearly 500 people stop in to visit and I was floored. I decided to set a personal goal of roughly 10,000 visitors by our Birthday. If I hit that number, or anything even close to it,  I would know my time and energy would somehow be validated. Well, guess what? We hit it!

The past year has taught me so much. I think of a quote by C.S. Lewis…

“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.”

It’s so true, I felt nothing change but as I look back over the past year it’s all so different. Mommy’s Mermaid re-sparked my desire to write. It went from an idea on the chalkboard in my kitchen to a part of our family. As long as I can remember I loved to write. As a school age child I wrote a Children’s book, in Junior High I started writing poetry, High School I did a lot of free writing, had a small gig with a local newspaper and journaling; and as a young adult I had this burning desire to tackle a book. Life happened, I went through a lot personally as a young adult. I experienced a massive amount of death, had some pretty terrible things happen to me which I will choose not to delve into and I did not deal well with any of it, I spiraled a bit and spent years not caring about much of anything. To put it bluntly, I was a hot mess. I needed that though, I needed to stumble to show myself I could prevail. It might not make sense to you but I am the type of person that loves with everything I have. I might not say it on a daily basis or shout it from the rooftop but I feel it. Everything I experienced left me broken and empty. I spent a few years repairing myself and some of the damage I had caused and more recently learned to let go of some of that grief. I found my passion again through Mommy’s Mermaid.

This past year as led me to some pretty amazing acquaintances and friendships. I look forward to the day so may of us get to meet in person. Multiple local businesses have sent me products and encouraged me to continue our journey and Mermaid herself has become aware of her “scales” and her “computer self” and loves to help Mommy create and try new “special soaps” or products.

My original plan was to write about what we knew, Linear Epidermal Nevus, but over time I realized that there are so many different forms of nevus that many of us would never know existed without the internet to connect us all. There are so many things we can do together to help change the face of this disease. Number one, awareness. The psychological effects from owning a nevus alone can be devastating. For those challenged with syndromes and physical complications it can be life altering and life threatening. We have an opportunity to raise money for those families needing to pay for medical expenses, time off work and trials. We can help support research to hopefully one day, find a cure, be it for those who develop cancer or simply for cosmetic purposes to decrease mental health issues. Over this past year I have realized that Mermaid’s disease is next to nothing in comparison to others, but the existence of it is what started this all.

I have learned that simply writing about the “facts” – what the diseases are, the potential complications, testing involved etc. is not so captivating. To those with the disease it’s helpful but those without need a different connection to help understand where we are coming from. Writing about our daily experiences with others, sharing stories of other nevus owners and putting bits in about our personal life gains the most interest. So much of this disease is navigating the day to day changes, one day can be unbearable while another you can completely forget it exists. Where you may not focus on the physical challenges daily, we monitor the emotional challenges non-stop. Being able to connect with our readers on a multitude of levels is imperative, even if that leaves us vulnerable at times. Again, I thank you for your interest in our story.

Over the past year we have learned about and gone through the biopsy process, vision concerns, eye testing, participated in research, met fellow nevus owners in person, shared trials and experimented with some heavy products, shared other peoples stories, raised some money for a few families and opened up our lives very publically. Through all of that, my favorite moments are still the random messages thanking us for speaking so openly, people reaching out with their stories and those just wanting to talk. Being the parent of a Nevus owner sometimes leaves us feeling helpless so the fact that ANYONE would choose me to reach out to just to talk is humbling.

I have a pretty drastic idea for a big change coming to Mommy’s Mermaid over the next couple of months and if I choose to take the plunge I hope you all come with me, until then, I will continue plugging away and bringing you as interesting of material as my brain can conjure up; and who knows, maybe this will be the year I finish a book!

We are eternally grateful for all your support.

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy

Are Mermaid’s real?

Only 5 days until our 1st Birthday and our week reminiscing about the past year together continues. Tonight we are going whimsical and sharing one of our all time favorite posts, A Fish Tale.

That was such a fun experience and definitely humbled us. Never saw it? Read it, but don’t remember? New to us? Take a peek!

https://mommysmermaid.com/2015/10/05/a-fish-tale/

To see more work by Kinna Clark go to:

http://www.geminiIImages.com

Thanks for walking with us today,

(and those of you in the PNW, enjoy that sunshine!)

Mermaid’s Mommy

Epidermo what???

As we continue to close the gap on our one year anniversary I share another gem from our first few months. If you have yet to read it, this is the article after we got the results from Mermaid’s biopsy, what a happy day this was. To have answers and be cleared of cancer was so joyous, enjoy!

https://mommysmermaid.com/2015/09/27/prognosis-happiness/

Thanks for walking with us today!

Mermaid’s Mommy

Twinkle, Twinkle

In my kitchen window sits a dried out yellow rose. When I see it, I think of the song Twinkle, Twinkle.  When I think of Twinkle, Twinkle, I feel brave and scared and confused and happy all at once. So what power does this dried out yellow rose hold that it can make me feel so many different things?

When Mermaid was little she didn’t sleep well. We would have to rock her for hours upon hours. I use to pace the house singing Twinkle, Twinkle. I can recall so many nights in her room just swaying and singing, the window in her room sits at just the right spot to bring in a smidge of the moonlight that would glow as we sang. When she had her biopsy I held her down and sang Twinkle, Twinkle. She still occasionally asks for it, only now, she can sing it with me, and it’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever heard.

An old friend of mine is currently in jail after being accused of a pretty horrific crime. The details are not important at this point in time, maybe another day down the road when the trial is complete she will choose to tell her story, until then, the details hold no weight in my purpose of this connection. She has a school-age daughter and through our entire friendship I always respected what a good Mother she was. She was so fun, full of life and always talking about her little angel. In recent years she had another child and despite our distance, I can only imagine she was an equally amazing Mother to them as well.

When I originally saw the newscast of her being arrested I was in shock, I went to our old group of friends looking for their reactions and almost felt numb. She was released for a short time in which I got to touch base with her but then she was re-arrested and has been incarcerated ever since. The person I knew, in no way, shape or form, had the ability to commit this crime. People all around me were telling me that “people break” they ” do things we would never expect”, one person told me she wouldn’t be there “If they didn’t have the evidence to prove it.” Yet I have still NEVER been convinced. Her first hearing was coming up and I asked multiple people to join me, I needed to see her face to face. I felt like it would give me a better feeling of what happened. In the end nobody came and I went alone. I don’t know what I was hoping for, I knew it was just a hearing with basic information, I expected it to last 10 minutes, I assumed there would be others on the docket, a room full of people where I would have simply blended in and I would have arranged my whole morning off to leave just as confused.

As I entered the court room I stalled. The entire thing was empty. Just then a lawyer walked in and asked me if I was there for that specific case, I said yes, and he assured me I was in the right place, then he left the room. 15 minutes until start time, nobody there. 10 minutes until start time, nobody there. I text a mutual friend explaining how odd the whole experience was, 5 minutes until start time… I hear someone behind a closed door state that she has arrived. I got butterflies, my palms were sweating, Why was I the ONLY person in this room? There she was, walked in by an officer, placed in a chair in shackles, just her, an officer and I. She had no idea I was coming, how could she, we had not had any contact since the night she was arrested for a second time. She looked beautiful, as usual. How she managed to pull off looking like she had make-up on is beside me, but she did. She whispered to me “Thank you for coming” asked about my Mermaid and told me she loved me.

As her lawyer entered the room and we were now passed starting time they spoke so quietly to one another I couldn’t hear what was happening. I then saw her lawyer pull out 2 round white buttons, a button I recognized. It was the voice box for a build-a-bear. She had two of them. In a silent court room, much like Mermaid’s room all those nights I walked and swayed singing Twinkle, Twinkle – she began to sing into them. One “You are my sunshine” and the other… you guessed it, “Twinkle, Twinkle.” I cant even begin to tell you the level emotion that took over. I sat there crying, watching this fellow Mother, friend, human being, sing her children lullabies into voice boxes so they wouldn’t forget her.

Court began. She was confident, brave and it was over. Until the real deal a few months away that is. As it ended her family showed up. They had been misinformed of the time and missed the entire thing. They arrived with enough time to sit down and be asked to leave. The lawyers finished up a few conversations and I waited in the hallway with the family. They shared positive information with me and her Mom asked that I stick around a few minutes for a picture outside.

Outside of the courthouse we were all given a yellow rose. We took a picture holding it and her Mom intended to send it to her to show her our support. I thanked her Mom, hugged her, and left.

When I made it to my car to leave I couldn’t go directly to work, I was on the verge of losing it, I was holding in so much. Instead, I drove to a nearby park on the river, put my car in park, the rose on my dash, and sobbed. So many lives have been effected by this terrible tragedy, two children are without their Mother, while my friend’s Mother watches her own babies life unfold, helpless, just clinging to hope. The echoes of her voice singing into the voice boxes ran through my head over and over. I cried until I had nothing left. I fixed myself up, and left. Nobody at work would know what my morning had been like. None of the patients would even begin to guess the despair I was feeling only an hour ago. The people I returned emails too would think it was a normal day, but it wasn’t.

I believe everything happens for a reason. We may not know the reasoning behind my friend’s story just yet, but I believe I was meant to be in that room, alone, with my friend, while she sang to her babies. I believe I was meant to have those few small moments to see and know that the person I knew, was still the person I knew. Call it what you will, I felt in that moment, as she sang so peacefully that my soul knew she would one day walk free.

That night I held Mermaid a little tighter, and sang her Twinkle,Twinkle.

The rose sits in my kitchen in the same vase I placed it in that day so long ago. It is dried perfectly and reminds me daily of someone else’s struggles.

Mermaid’s disease is harder on me than it is on her at this point in our lives. Our journey right now is about learning to cope with what life has given us. Throughout our path I have felt sad, anxious and nervous. Some of that I have overcome, some of that, I haven’t, but much like my friend, I have no idea what our future holds at this point in time. What I do know, is that something inside me, something strong, tells me that we are all going to be just fine. I think about my friend’s little girl pushing that bears hand and it singing to her, offering her comfort, just as it does for my Mermaid when I sing it to her. Our struggles, be them big, or small, lead us to find little rays of sunshine, small glimmers of hope that give us peace in merky waters. I believe Mermaid and I are on the path we were destined to be on, that she was given her disease to rise above and prove that being unique makes you shine.

Twinkle: shine with a gleam that varies repeatedly between bright and faint.

To my friend, may you ever see this, and all our fellow nevus owners, continue to twinkle.

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy.

 

 

 

You were born to stand out!

There was a time in my life I took a “break” from social media. I personally no longer saw the need to read about other people’s every move or share mine. I was in contact with and saw the people I wanted to or used other means, like e-mail, text, this weird thing known as a “phone call” and believe it or not, I was then – and am still today – a fan of snail mail. I get really excited when a friend or some of my family from the older generation sends us a surprise. I felt satisfied with my “social contact”. However, after Mermaid was born the need to show pictures and events quicker, with those we didn’t see on a regular basis, led my husband and I to rejoin the Facebook frenzy on a joint account. I realized when I returned not only how much I missed seeing what was happening in everyone’s lives but being able to share in their joy.

Further down the road, after Mermaid’s diagnosis, my enjoyment of being back on Facebook turned into a necessity. It’s the place I found our support groups and began building relationships with fellow Nevus owners. Since deciding to start Mommy’s Mermaid social media has served as the place I identify who’s stories to share and has guided my family in many situations where we felt confused or nervous.

In staying with my commitment to help bring awareness and understanding to this disease I am always fulfilled to see others taking the opportunity to do the same on many different platforms. It’s such a brave act to share your personal story of being “different” or ask for help in times of need from complete strangers who may or may not comprehend the place you are in. Openly talking about what makes Nevus owners unique and special also runs the risk of putting yourself in a very vulnerable place with the public. To nobody’s surprise, I’m sure, there are still negative reactions to the way a Nevus owner may look and a lack of compassion for the way they feel, both inside and out.

 I was beyond excited to recently see one of our fellow Nevus owner’s take a huge leap and get featured in their local newspaper. The Manser family from Townsville, Australia shared their story about their daughter named Hope through a feature article in the Townsville Bulletin.

My favorite line in the story is when Mom, Karyn said:

“Hope was born to stand out” 

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I could not agree more, to all you special nevus owners, you WERE born to stand out, and to show the world that being unique is ok.

Below is the link to their story and I hope you take a few minutes to not only read, but really absorb their message, their fears of their daughter being bullied and their decisions to approach life teaching her how to have the resilience and self-esteem to deal with said bullies.

http://www.townsvillebulletin.com.au/news/baby-girl-born-with-giant-birthmark/news-story/554ee934c9c40ae58069cc76f21ad72e

I applaud both the Manser family and the Townsville Bulletin for shedding a small light on this beautiful little girl.

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy

She said yes!

Epidermal Nevus effects roughly 1 in 1,000 people worldwide. Each subtype i.e. LEN (linear epidermal nevus), ILVEN (Inflammatory epidermal nevus) or verrucous epidermal nevus, holds a different value of people effected. Less common, effecting roughly 1% of the population are congenital epidermal nevus and/or melanocytic nevus. Within an individuals type of nevus can be additional subtypes, such as Mermaids diagnosis of “epidermolytic hyperkeratosis;” which effects 1 in 2-300,000 people worldwide.

I know, because until Mermaid was diagnosed, that unless you have a personal connection to this disease, it is not something the general public is aware of. I had never in my life even heard of this disease, let alone met someone with it, and I have worked in the medical field for nearly 12 years! Hence the fact that they are considered rare genetic diseases.

When I started Mommy’s Mermaid it was out of pure desperation for contact, support and answers from others living with this disease. Throughout this process I discovered a few support groups and have gained my own following here, on my website, of both people who themselves have a form of the disease or know someone with it.

To possibly imagine that Mermaid and I would be graced by God to have another nevus owner in our own backyard was unfathomable. It seemed that everyone we had contact with was Midwest or East Coast. Graces were granted and after months of communicating via Mommy’s Mermaid, our Facebook support group and text messaging, we finally got to meet face to face with a fellow local nevus owner.

Before meeting I could never even begin to express to you the gratitude I held for our crossing paths. We are relatively new to this disease and our cohort is an adult who has been living life managing her symptoms long before we even knew it existed. The opportunity to pick her brain, absorb her knowledge, hear her courage; To place my Mermaid and another nevus owner – with significant enough struggles to match our own – in the same place, wow – words cannot describe.

The days leading up to our meeting I was nervous, like my husband and I’s first date kind of nervous. Who was I? I’m just a small town, working Mom that put together a website in hopes of finding others. I have written one other piece on a fellow nevus owner and her daughter and took a stab in the dark that maybe, just maybe, our new found companion would be willing to meet with us, share her story, and trust me to share it publically in a tactful way. I honestly expected a no. I wasn’t asking her to answer a few questions from the comforts of her home, but to physically meet in person, give us her own valuable time. She doesn’t know me from Adam, how long could we really talk? What was I going to ask her? At what point did I go from sharing our own experiences to dragging other people into this crazy ride acting like a reporter of some type?

Well folks, she said yes.

Introducing, Monica.

 It was Mermaid’s 3rd birthday. I had taken a few days off to celebrate my little blessing and what better way could we have done that than to spend it with a fellow nevus owner.

We opted to meet at a local kids play place. Given the age of our children and the weather, you really couldn’t have found a better location. It’s really kind of comical, our stories were interrupted by crying children, hungry children, diaper changes, snotty noses and just about every other possible kid related need. It sounds kind of awful but really, that’s what both are lives are like on a daily basis so it was normal and delightful to us. It felt comfortable. I only hope between all the needs I was able to capture Monica’s story correctly!

Monica is the 2nd of 5 children, a teacher by trade, a wife and a Mother of two. She has taught an array of ages and in many settings but my praise goes to her work as a special education teacher. Specifically with the Life Enrichment Education Program (LEEP); which provides specially designed instruction and related services for eligible students ages 5-21 years with special needs. The curriculum focuses on personal management, communication, practical living skills, vocational skills, leisure/recreation activities, and social skills.  Throughout her teaching career she found the humor in her disease and when asked by students what was on her leg she would drum up stories of what it was, things like she got it saving animals from a burning building, always something that made her a hero. Her stories made me laugh and I adore the ability to have fun with it. Though I have to say Monica, in my eyes, your involvement both as a teacher and time with those that have special needs, makes you a hero. Saving cats is pretty cool too though.

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 As far as Monica knows, her nevus was not present at birth. Her first real memory of its presence was grade school, with a busy Mom, remember – there were five children – it may have been present prior to that but without her speaking up about it being bothersome it may have been overlooked as just a normal benign skin condition. At that time her nevus was present only on her left leg. Around age 11 it became more prevalent and began to cause problems so  she was taken in and officially diagnosed with Inflammatory linear epidermal nevus (ILVEN).

Over Monica’s lifetime she has had 3 biopsies. The first when they lived in Northern California at age 11, which was where her initial diagnosis of ILVEN began, again in her 20’s here in Oregon and lastly, in her 30’s. So why so many? Over the years her nevus has spread, now her nevus rears its head from her  left knee down to her foot – around her big toe, with a small spot on the bottom of her foot and up the inside of her thigh. In more recent years Monica has found her ILVEN to be more bothersome than ever before. The previous biopsies were old and locating the dermatologists that performed them proved more difficult than just completing another one. The purpose was to have a clear diagnosis with her current dermatologist to move forward with treatment options. What’s interesting to me is that I have noticed the small spot on Mermaid’s under arm where her biopsy was performed has never produced new nevus, Monica has noticed the same thing. All places where biopsies have been done have not produced new nevus, which leads us both to have faith in the excision process. As Monica put it “a light bulb moment” which made the path she wanted to pursue very clear.

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There is no clear reason for why it has become more active; i.e. spreading, becoming inflamed, and itching; however, in more recent years Monica has given birth to two adorable baby angels (really, I mean adorable – her 2.5 year old son was my friend within 60 seconds of meeting me and her infant smiled nearly the entire visit, not one whimper) and she has experienced more activity with hormonal changes, especially postpartum, both times. It has come to a point where she can confidently state that it is effecting her quality of life. Itching being the biggest hinderance, which I know so many of you can relate too.

Monica recently met with her surgeon at our famously known teaching hospital; Oregon Health and Science University (OHSU) who is a specialist in ILVEN. It is difficult for me to write this next piece of information because I have struggled myself to find someone local with a real extensive background and experience with ILVEN or LEN, but her current surgeon/specialist told her that of the TWO prior cases she had treated, Monica’s presented as the most extensive case she had seen. I understand the disease is rare but there seems to be a lack of Physician’s in our area that have dealt with ILVEN/LEN to the extent we read about in larger cities and East. I have no doubt that said doctor is proficient in her abilities and perhaps our region just does not house a high number of patients with ILVEN/LEN; which would explain only seeing two previous cases and confirm the definition of “rare genetic disease”, but it is still a bit of a surprise that Monica will only be her third treated case.

As they discussed treatment options, the opportunity for laser therapy came up and her physician stated that both cases treated with laser, grew back. The treatment was done on one patient’s finger and another, on their face. I really have not heard of anyone having long-term success with CO2 treatment. It seems to be a fairly painful process with short-term results. Which goes back to the “light bulb moment” that excision was the right decision. To move forward  – Monica will need to not be pregnant or nursing, so time is the only barrier at this point.

It was such a blessing to sit down with an adult nevus owner and pick her brain about her experience thus far. We are so new to the disease that it was nice to hear the positives and negatives she had experienced thus far. Most interesting to me was a study she participated in. When Monica was in her twenties she voluntarily participated in a study at OHSU in trade for care. A group of members with skin conditions met with Physician’s and shared details about their condition. They were not allowed to tell them their official diagnosis. They shared details such as age, symptoms,  and treatments tried. With that information the panel of Providers tried to decifer what skin ailment they had. After knowing the official diagnosis they made recommendations and offered free treatment. Their recommendation at the time was cauterization. The bonus to voluntarily being there is the ability to decline treatment, which she gladly did. The idea of painful burning of the skin that smells atrocious was a pass. Interestingly enough, Mermaid has also been offered this option, which we as well, declined for the exact same reasons. Nonetheless; it was fun to hear about her adventure in guinea pig land!

I was told that nevus growing on hands and feet can cause joint pain, I asked Monica about this being that her nevus grows on her big toe and thankfully, she has not had this experience. From time to time it may crack, causing pain but only exterior pain. Monica swims on a weekly basis and has found that the warmer the water, the more she itches. The pool she attends is salt water and has not found any therapeutic connection with her nevus. Like so many nevus owners she has tried her fair share of creams and ointments with limited results but is currently using an ointment called Clobetasol Propoimate 0.05% and has found it to be extremely helpful. This medication is used to treat a variety of skin conditions (e.g., eczema, dermatitis, allergies, rash). Clobetasol reduces the swelling, itching, and redness that can occur in these types of conditions. This medication is a very strong (super-high-potency) corticosteroid. She applies a layer of the ointment and covers it with a sheet of tagaderm, leaving it until it falls off, roughly 24 hours later. She has found that it not only relieves that pesky itching but reduces the thickness of her nevus.

I asked Monica what the biggest hurdle was coming up in school and I got the exact answer I expected. Trying to explain to others that it was not contagious but would never go away proved difficult; as well as feeling as if it effected her socially at a younger age.  She wisely reminded me that bullies will be bullies, if it wasn’t her skin, they would have found something else to be mean about, they are just mean, end of story. Monica then followed her answer with a statement that I have thought about a lot since that day:

“We as people are way stronger and resilient than we give ourselves credit for.”

You are right.

Monica noted that as a Mom, it probably hurts more than being the one with the actual disease, it causes them heartache, and I think she nailed it. I often feel sad and helpless, a sense of heartache; when Mermaid is that resilient, strong person that acts as if it doesn’t exist.

The end of our conversation was about finding people who fit your need at the moment, whatever that moment is. She spoke about recently losing her Father and finding herself drawn to friends she had not spent much time with recently, but they were in the same place, and there is comfort in that. Her piece of advice to everyone new to the disease?

“Knowing you are not alone is sometimes all you need, find people with the same situation to comfort you, make that connection.”

Isn’t that the truth, after all; that’s what started Mommy’s Mermaid, the need for that connection with others in our same situation. She could not have chosen a better piece of advice to offer.

I captured a pretty special moment during one of Mermaid’s breaks from the play structure. Monica asked Mermaid if she would like to see her scales, “the ones like you have” and kindly lifted her pants to share. As that Mom that feels the heartache, this moment means the world to me. To show Mermaid that she is not alone, that other people share her special gift, to make that connection… I cannot ask for anything more.

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As Monica showed, every case is unique. Some proving to be bothersome from day 1, others later in life. There seems to be this never-ending circle for all nevus owners of trying product after product until you find the one specific to your own need. I am hoping to get in touch with OHSU and learn more about their blind trial, it would be fun to know what kind of conclusions they drew from it.

Monica – Thank you for sharing your story with us and allowing me to bring it to life. Thank you for being such a kind gentle soul. I truly felt as if we were old friends and will forever think of you that way. You will remain special to us for so many reasons. Our first connection in live flesh to another nevus owner, a reminder to keep our sense of humor around the disease and proof, that this disease does not define who you are.

We wish you all the luck moving forward with excision, we will be there to support and pray for quick healing and relief. We will continue our connection along this journey.

Today, Monica, you are an honorary Mermaid and we are the ones lucky enough to have you on our team.

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy

What could it be?

It’s been a while since we have had any direct contact from a physician regarding Mermaid’s nevus so our updates regarding progress have been slim, but we have something exciting to share!

Last week I received a bit of a cryptic message from our contact @ Yale University. “Hello, I need to talk to you about the study, I am leaving for the day, can you call me tomorrow, early would be best.” Now immediately my mind goes to all the wrong places. They found something bad, I messed up a specimen, I didn’t sign something, maybe they want me to take their info off my website… how could this be, we submitted everything last summer. It has to be bad. It just has too. it was pure torture waiting the 17 hours I did before reaching someone.

I talked to my Mom the entire drive to work the following morning. She reminded me to be positive and we veered into other conversations taking my mind off the call I was going to place immediately entering my office. Which is EXACTLY what I did. I purposely arrived early – knowing they are 3 hours ahead of me, dropped my bags on the floor, located my yellow sticky with the phone number and dialed.

As Dr. Chaote’s doll of an assistant pilfered through her emails to find just what she was calling about, I patiently waited. Just having her on the phone was relief enough. The suspense was killing me.

Remember, the study was conducted on the East Coast, we are on the West Coast. Until Dr. Chaote was involved there was never even a mention of having a biopsy done. When we finally had it done the results were forwarded to him via paper form but the physical biopsy has been housed here with our healthcare entity.

The information was vague but here’s the low down. Something on the biopsy result “popped out” to the physicians. They decided that they wanted to physically obtain Mermaid’s specimen and run further tests on it. What exactly caught their attention is beyond me but his assistant told me that this is GOOD news. When they see something of interest it typically means they are closer to identifying something more specific, which means more specific treatment, or leads them to further research for us to be involved in.

My “assumption” and again I say ASSUMPTION; is that the rare subtype of Edpidermolyctic Hyperkeratosis may have sparked some interest. Where I know nothing for sure I will be waiting impatiently to see where this leads us!

Glad to still be connected with the Yale team!

Stay tuned for updates!

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy