I recently attended an all day training for work, you know, the kind you dread for weeks leading up to it. (No offense to my company, its not you, it’s me). Lucky for me we had the best instructor possible and surprisingly, I took something away from it that I could apply to my personal life.
We were asked to separate into our workgroups and discuss why we ended up working in Healthcare. I always thought I knew and believed it was my own decision. Turns out after talking it out for a while my parents pretty much made that decision for me without even knowing it. All my decisions from school to company to department stemmed from their influence. I have to brag a bit too that one of the psychiatrist’s in my group had the best why ever, but I will spare you the details of our work why’s and get to how this relates to Mermaid.
I moderate comments on my site and occasionally I get a negative nelly that I choose not to publish. They think a post is pointless or disagree with my motive. So it got me thinking, what’s my why for Mommy’s Mermaid?
True, when Mermaid was first diagnosed with linear epidermal nevus I was devastated, I searched for sites and stories with substance about success. So one could argue that my why was to create that place and maybe it is a little, but I think its deeper than that.
Yes, I fully understand that my daughter is a healthy thriving young child and that my deepest anxiety’s of tumors, cancer or other abnormalities are slim, but they exsist. They are real possibilities. The more prominent concerns I hold are those of the mental trauma. Self esteem issues, embarrassment, ridicule for something she cannot control. An altered physical appearance to any degree can be more damaging to one than many understand.
I have had the pleasure of befriending several nevus owners and picked their brains about why they opted out of surgery, how they handled it growing up, and the limits it placed on them. I have listened to their fears and influences, and through those conversations, my why has come to light.
Do I really think that a $10 product from my local nature store or small business is going to cure Mermaid’s incurable disease? I dont know. Do I really think that relentlessly calling research centers across the country is going to spark a study of this underrated form of her disease? I dont know.
I say I dont know, because had you asked me 3 months ago if I would have a website that attracted 1,000 views in one day, relationships with organic business owners covering my entire state and be receiving gifts of products & support in my mailbox, I would have laughed.
I believe that we see what we want to see in every situation. I saw an opportunity to gain knowledge and bring awareness and its slowly coming to fruition. Yes, some of my posts may lack real data and seem silly to you. Maybe you think I am wasting my words, and to those of you who write me to tell me that, thank you. Thank you for pushing me to explore my why.
Why do I spend my time putting words to page that perhaps nobody will ever read?
As parents we put our all into our children. There is this well of love that pushes us to protect our young. When Mermaid gets older I want her to know that I did everything in my power to find relief, support, and strength from others living with the same blemish. I want her to walk with pride and not shame of her “birthmark”. I want her to know that she is not alone. If I can use my passion of writing to help soften the inevitable blows she will encounter, so be it.
So there it is. My why is not to gain followers, or find a cure. My why, is love.
I will continue to search for answers and post blips that may seem of little value to you. If along the way we make some friends, find some cool products and can use this network to bring awareness to ALL forms of Nevus, well I would love that just as much.
Now excuse me while I return a call to a research center here in Oregon that has taken interest in my inquiry.
Thanks for walking with us today,