Tag Archive | linear epidermal nevus

Small gestures make big things happen!

Over the past few weeks I have grown weary. Mermaids Nevus has spread and thickened down her arm. For the first time EVER it cracked on her hand and began to bleed. My heart sank. Like all of us Nevus parents, we worry… will it be painful? Itchy? How much more will it grow? Will people now start saying stuff about it? Will she be able to tell me if it’s bothering her? What can I do to FIX it? Though deep down inside, I know I can’t “fix” it.

The timing seemed impeccable that just as all of this was running through my head, we had our dermatology check up. More than a check up, we were once again, meeting a new Physician. From day one of questioning my little one’s first initial “spot” at less than 24 hours old, this marked our seventh physician to now play a role in her care. Some passed it off as nothing, others perplexed, one with which – we will just say – we didn’t “click”… and now another to lay eyes and insight into our world. I am always nervous about their responses to me, how they will treat all of us, what they will advise, will they be knowledgeable?

Well, I can only say this… best appointment to date. He spoke to the given they all do when we meet someone new – no cure, little treatment, managing symptoms but then hit on the piece I have been dreading. I have been told by two separate physician’s now that the location of Mermaid’s Nevus on her hand will most likely result in surgery. The target was school age. The thought of taking the risk to put her under and the pain she would endure following the procedure is hard to swallow, though I fully understand the downfall of not having it done. With each patch that grows I feel our days are numbered. Going into this visit I was prepared to hear the dreaded words. To my surprise it was the complete opposite. I showed him before and after pictures of the wart-PEEL treatment we did and the spot now cracking and he seemed both intrigued by the product, which he had never heard of being used for this, and impressed by the results. He felt that she was still in a state of manageable care.

We talked briefly about abnormalities and he felt it would be a reasonable time to have her eyes re-checked. For those of you asking recently about the ocular abnormalities, he did confirm that cataracts could develop at any time, it is not something that would necessarily arise in the youngest of age.

He noted that her skin tone works nicely to hide a lot of her nevus which made me laugh, supported our use of the controversial wart-PEEL that contains a cancer agent and said I was doing a good job. It didn’t hurt that he also complimented my own knowledge but what I appreciated most, was that he said he trusted me. He said we do not need to return for 1-2 years unless I have a concern and to keep doing what we have been doing. At that time we will re-asses the need for surgery.

It was short, to the point and felt amazing to leave knowing that as a family, we are doing all the right things.

Moving forward we will schedule another eye appointment with the specialist and continue to search the world for helpful products, and of course… share the outcome with you! Speaking of… seems like it’s time for a new trial!

With the new growth and being in swimsuits, dresses and tank tops over the summer I have wondered about more kids seeing it or asking about it and how she handles that. Picking her up from school one day last week one of her teachers shared a cute little story with me about Mermaid loving bumblebees. I said ya, her Dad taught her they are nice and she pets them at home and we have made some products for her skin with beeswax. She has said to me many times that the nice bees make honey for her scales and it’s adorable to hear her make that connection. Her teacher said she noticed her Nevus and asked Bailey what happened, her response? “Oh those are my Mermaid Scales” and just moved on.

It brought me comfort knowing that even when brought to her attention by someone, she is not ashamed nor phased nor hesitant to answer about her uniqueness. It made me feel proud to hear of her confidence.

It doesn’t matter what your differences are, be them seen by the naked eye or something internal, it’s how we handle what we were dealt. It took me a long time to get here, to feel confident both in my own understanding of her disease and making sure she knows it’s ok. I didn’t get here alone though, whenever I feel like we have a success, I feel like I owe thanks to those who helped it come about. My dear friend Aindrea who is across the country not only introduced me to the treatment for her hand and walked me through it but has remained at my side through this entire journey since our first encounter with one another(one day we will get to have the biggest hug ever) and to all my family, who have never treated her differently and encouraged my path of finding more knowledge. Last weekend I saw my Mom kiss Mermaid’s scales on her hand, letting her know she see’s them, but loves them. Of course, lastly, to each one of you reading this, whether it’s because you love my Mermaid and enjoy hearing about her journey or find yourself looking for answers and support through our path to relate in your own nevus world, we know you are here and appreciate you. It’s the small things that get us to big places.

Here’s to hoping we have many more successful months ahead of us!

To being confident and finding acceptance, we thank you all!

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mommy’s Mermaid

Mermaid’s Ashore!

Aug7

To most people, Portlandia is just a quirky show poking at the oddities of Portland, Oregon. I have to admit, “put a bird on it” and “the dream of the 90’s is alive in Portland” are genius and crack me up every time I see them but most of it is beyond me. We live in a small town East of the city and trips there are rare.

Where I may not frequent Portland these days, being born and raised in this great state I am very aware of who “Portlandia” really is. In the midst of downtown in a rather modest location sits the second largest hammered copper statue in the United States, right behind the Statue of Liberty. At 34 feet 10 inches tall a woman holding a trident reaches down to the people below her. Portlandia was modeled after the city’s seal which also boasts a woman holding a trident.

The trident is known to be the weapon of Poseidon, the God of the seas, and Neptune, the God of freshwater and the sea. As a city that was once known to be the number one place in the western hemisphere for “crimping” and “shanghaiing” amongst the sea captains and sailors, a city that’s known for it’s beautiful bridges spanning the river, a city that boasts the amazing dragon boat races, has a waterfront walkway that hosts festivals – bike riders – walkers – runners – fountains and those just gazing at it’s beauty and a city who’s access to the water make it an easy port for transportation of goods; once known as one of the most dangerous ports in the world; it seems only fitting that it has a protector in Portlandia watching over the city.

With so much action on the water it was only a matter of time before it hosted it’s own Mermaid parade. On July 30th Una the Mermaid & the travelling Fanta-Sea Cove organized Portlandia’s first annual Mermaid Parade.

Those familiar with us can only imagine the excitement in my household upon hearing this news, those new to us, let me explain.

My beautiful daughter was born with a rare genetic skin disease called Linear Epidermal Nevus. It’s complicated, it comes with a laundry list of potential complications including skeletal, ocular and nervous system abnormalities. Has the potential to cause both benign and malignant tumors, raises the risk of melanoma, and in our case, may potentially take over the entire left side of her body. At first we were devastated, plagued by the “what if’s” and lost due to the lack of information and medical knowledge surrounding her disease. Over time we found some support groups and started this blog to share our journey and connect with the world to both learn from them, and share what we know. It’s hard to explain to a child what’s slowly growing on their body, we joked that her “scales” were from her previous life as a fish. A friend said to us, can’t you find something better? Like a Mermaid? and it stuck. From that moment on she became Mommy’s Mermaid. As she has gotten older she has told strangers, doctors, friends and family about her Mermaid scales, she whole-heartedly believes that they were a gift from a Mermaid. She believes they are a special and wears them proudly.

An opportunity to take her somewhere full of Mermaid’s, those magical creatures that shared their beauty with her, to walk amongst them and relate, could not be passed up. I had no idea what to expect, I thought it would be small, generic, cute but nothing to write home about. I could not have been more wrong. I know now, that I need to start preparing for next years event! Mermaid could barely contain herself as we got ready, Mama are we leaving yet? Mama, are we ready? Mama, can we pleeeeaaaaasssseee go now. As if she knew just how special it was going to be.

We were blessed to have a friend and her little one in tow with us, with the girls in wagons we headed to the historical waterfront, the friendship circle to be exact. The friendship circle celebrates the sister city relationship between Portland and Sapporo, Japan. The Friendship Circle includes a pair of 20-foot stainless towers that generate electronic tones. I can only describe it as nothing shy of magical. Men, Women and children of all shapes, sizes, and ethnicity filled the gorgeous backdrop of Portland in full costume. There were people giving out gifts, bubbles, shells, dancers, birds, artists and even a man fishing for Mermaids with a cat on his line.

We flipped down waterfront passed Saturday Market and the Brewfest. People lined the path taking pictures, videos and cheered. After the parade we took some time to enjoy the city and played in the fountains!

We get caught up in the daily grind, I often forget to take moments to stop and truly let myself enjoy the beauty of imagination. Mermaid’s disease will be with us forever, there is no cure, very little relief for symptoms, and at this time – minimal research or trials to move in a forward direction. If allowing my 3 year-old to believe that she was gifted her scales by a Mermaid gives her even one small ounce of happiness in this journey, I will believe it too.

To the amazing group that made this dream a reality, to every single person that came to celebrate and to our honorary Mermaid’s Geneva and Charlee for walking this path with us, I thank you all. This parade meant so much to us. As magical as I saw it, I can only imagine what my little girls thoughts were.

There are no words to describe the beauty and creativity that was bestowed upon us that day but thanks to the talented Christelle Morgan who has graciously allowed me to share some of her work, you can enjoy some of the sites from our day. Enjoy!

You can find more information about the wonderful Christelle and her work at:

cmphoto.smugmug.com

facebook.com/photographybychristelle

To learn more about Una the Mermaid you can visit her site at:

http://www.unathemermaid.com

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy

Eye see you…

Jul28

Let’s talk about the connection between Epidermal Nevus and ocular abnormalities. Right out of the gate I want to clarify that a diagnosis of Epidermal Nevus in any form without one or more of the potential abnormalities is the disease itself. To be classified as having the syndrome you must have additional abnormalities. Additionally, there are different types of syndromes depending on what form of epidermal nevus one has and what abnormalities are present. This has caused a lot of confusion and controversy in the medical world. I see the term used interchangeably all the time, causing additional anxiety but have clarified with multiple physicians that the absence of any abnormalities does not classify as the syndrome. I for one, am the first person to recognize that the diagnosis itself carries enough anxiety provoking elements and issues without any abnormalities that making sure I understood the difference was vital.

It is also important to remember that the sydromes are rare and chances increase with wide spread lesions.

Ocular abnormalities may include Colobomas of the pupil, iris or eyelid and Cataracts.

A coloboma is a hole in one of the structures of the eye, such as the iris, retina, choroid, or optic disc. The hole is present from birth and can be caused when a gap called the choroid fissure, which is present during early stages of prenatal development, fails to close up completely before a child is born.

Colobomas are sometimes referred to as keyholes due to their shape. They can effect one or both eyes.

coloboma

There can also be an association with colobomas of the eyelid. This would be the result of incomplete cell migration and present at birth.

Coloboma-243px

A cataract is a clouding of the lens of the eye that can make it harder for you to see. Cataracts happen when protein builds up in the lens of your eye, making it cloudy. This prevents light from passing clearly through the lens, causing some loss of vision. There are many causes including, age related, from trauma, congenital – meaning born with it, or secondary – which can be due to other medical conditions.

cataract

I have searched and searched and cannot seem to find a solid answer to whether or not cataracts would be present at birth only or can develop at a later age but I have an upcoming appointment and will be sure to ask.

Oregon Health and Science University told us that it is recommended to have eyes of nevus owners checked by age one. Where some of the abnormalities would be obvious to the naked eye, others are not.

I downloaded a pediatric neurology book that speaks in more detail about the syndromes and hope to find more valuable information to share soon.

To all our new followers and newly diagnosed nevus owners we hope you find this useful!

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy

Our skin will not define us…

Jun12

All the stories I have shared about other people thus far, have been about fellow Nevus owners. It’s true, no ONE story is alike, nevus has a mind of it’s own and presents in so many different ways that each individuals experience looks different. We cannot say that what someone is feeling or seeing happen is right or wrong because the reality is, we just don’t know.

Meet Vicki, a lover of music, all genres but especially reggae, a singer, and a Pittsburgh Steelers fan from the East Coast. A beautiful Woman that as a child, played Pop Warner football and helps to lead the children’s choir at her church. Where Vicki has not “officially” been diagnosed with a form of nevus she has struggled for years with a debilitating skin condition that presents in many ways as ILVEN. She has faced other health challenges on her journey that she openly shared with me.

13434009_1354850341196794_1505797522_n

Vicki remembers from a young age, 5 or 6, having spots on her left fingers and palm. Visits at both the Pediatrician and Dermatologist led to treatments with liquid nitrogen as they all thought her spots were warts. Vicki knew, even as a child, that they were not warts. It got to the point she would cry and beg her Mother not to go back because it hurt so bad. As Vicki got older, her skin condition got worse and more symptoms began to arise. Currently both sides bare her condition. She has it in her hair, side of face, both ears, neck, back, buttock and bottom of her right foot.

13446246_1354847004530461_1221636420_o

Throughout her life Vicki has endured 5 biopsies, all of which have failed to pinpoint her exact condition. She has been treated with Humira for psoriasis, which made her extremely ill and despite the negative biopsies one physician insists this is indeed ILVEN. She has been to John Hopkins and hopes to return one day for more answers. The growth on her foot causes severe pain. It hinders her from walking and wanting to do the things she loves to do in life. In Vicki’s words “My skin itches, stings, blisters, bleeds and causes pain to touch it. When I shower the water hurts touching my body.”

13453331_1354846947863800_1443836825_o

13446213_1354846957863799_541760494_o

In addition to the skin disease Vicki has been diagnosed with a Rathke Cleft Cyst. A Rathke Cleft Cyst is a benign growth found on the pituitary gland in the brain. Typically RCC’s are asymptomatic but occasionally, if it grows large enough, it can cause visual disturbances, pituitary dysfunction and headaches. RCC’s are seen on MRI’s or CT’s of the brain. She has been told that her RCC will need to be monitored for the remainder of her life.

One of the physician’s Vicki visited suggested her symptoms may also be related to an autoimmune disease. She had a positive ANA and her physician suggested possible Lupus but again, no official diagnosis. A positive ANA alone does not necessarily define a diagnosis for Lupus but it IS present in 97% of people diagnosed with the disease. A positive ANA can be a sign of multiple auto immune diseases, a false positive or a reaction to a medication. A good rule of thumb with a positive ANA is to keep looking for the cause.

Between the possible ILVEN, Auto immune disease, Positive ANA, and RCC Vicki has had a rough time with her daily life. She has been struggling with depression and anxiety for quite some time. A once active vibrant being who was attending college, singing in the choir and happy; now says that she cries at the drop of a hat, lives life in pain and is full of anger and frustration at the fact that despite all her visits to the Dr. and multiple symptoms, nobody can seem to give her an official diagnosis. Her Pediatrician, who she saw until age 21, made the decision that she should stop attending college. She had missed a lot of class due to ER & Dr. visits, was falling behind and suffering daily with joint pain as she traveled from class to class making her late and aiding in her emotional instability.

Vicki’s biggest challenge is that she has a variety of symptoms that may or may not be connected to one another. The majority of us in our support group have an official diagnosis, though any form of nevus can certainly follow its own set of rules, it offers us a sense of relief to know exactly what it is that we are up against. I sympathize with her lack of certainty.

So how does Vicki cope? When she was about 22 she began using occasional marijuana. Her Doctors are aware of this choice and she states that it allows her to forget about “Everything” and manage her pain. I understand that this can become controversial but it is important for everyone reading this to understand that Vicki is coming from a place of struggle. I live in a very liberal state where this is normal for me to see on a daily basis. Living in pain and lacking the ability to enjoy life often leads us to any form of relief. Traditional medicine has failed to provide results at this time though she intends to follow-up with a Psychiatrist at some point and potentially start a medication regimen for the Mental Health side of things, but that is down the road. In the meantime she copes how she can, and knows how too with the support of her Physicians, family and friends. She continues to attend church and assist with the choir, something that has brought her joy since childhood.

Vicki’s case is complicated and rare, many physicians are led to a dead-end but it has not stopped her from pushing forward to find answers.

Vicki told me that she has 2 goals in life… first, to bring awareness around the World to invisible diseases. She wants to educate people to understand that not every disease requires a wheelchair, people with “invisible diseases” often get overlooked. She would also like to travel and hopes to one day be in a place both physically and mentally to see these dreams come true.

She recognizes that bad days will happen and the only way she will feel good during those times is to surround herself with positive people.

It’s human nature to fear the unknown, I for one struggle with “surprises” or not having a plan on a daily basis. Where some people thrive in going with the flow, I need structure and answers. I cannot even begin to imagine a life full of medical mysteries with little to no answers.

As the famous Lauren Hill once said:

“We can’t plan life. All we can do is be available for it.”

Vicki’s story brings to light an issue our society shys away from and I respect her willingness to let me share it, you may or may not know, that I work in Mental Health. I hear people day in and day out feel ashamed that they came to see us or express their families discontent with admitting any sort of psychological discord. It’s shameful to me that we still live in a world where Psychological concerns are not treated as openly and regularly as Physical ones. From day one my biggest concern about Mermaid’s disease was how she would handle it emotionally. Would this disease in any way, shape or form dictate her daily happiness or prevent her from doing things “normal people” do.

To me, with everything Vicki has endured, the most important one to speak about is the emotional effects. The reality is that we are dealing with an incurable disease, one day Vicki may get that official diagnoses confirming some form of nevus and we can share remedies we have used to ease the discomfort; but for now, we cannot cure it. Diagnosis or not, it sure presents as many others I have seen. I want to see us having more conversations about the emotional effects and aiding eachother in the healing of our souls. Afterall, we heal from the inside out.

Tonight both Vicki and I prescribe all our fellow nevus owners a dose of Reggae, listen to her current favorite song, “I’ll take you there” by Vybz Kartel and know you have friends from across our great country wishing you all the best.

Tonight Vicki, you are an Honorary Mermaid, Thank you for being so candid with me and sharing your story, where these stories are just small blips into the struggles one lives with on a daily basis they serve as a reminder that we are all human and our skin will not define us. You are brave and helping us to forge a road of acceptance.

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy

Tides are changing…

Jun12

A few weeks ago Mermaid was playing on the floor and her arm looked dirty, I asked her if she had been outside and what she had gotten into, as I got closer, I realized it wasn’t dirt at all, but Nevus. Then today, after bath time, I noticed even more changes and thickening. It seems as though overnight her Nevus has completely morphed.

I put together some comparisons and when I looked at our pictures from the first year, it amazed me that I was so upset, it seems so minor compared to now.

I have always hoped and prayed that Mermaid’s Nevus would not continue to spread, as I am sure all of us effected by Nevus have, but I knew deep down inside, that it would. I just didn’t expect it to happen so fast.

Mermaid now has a more prominent line from under her arm to her wrist, new growth on her hand, top & bottom (which is the one I fear will require surgery) and thickening on both her elbow and underarm.

Here are few of the changes…

New growth on arm:

13287911_596149477254029_563461402_o

Elbow: 8 months apart

MyCollage_109

Armpit: 8 months apart

MyCollage_108

Armpit: Ages 1-3

MyCollage_110

We have a dermatology appointment coming up and I will certainly be asking for more information about possible triggers that stimulate growth.

We have added some new pictures under the photos tab of both Mermaid’s Nevus and a friend’s. The progression is interesting to see.

Coming up this week we will have a story about a fellow member of our ILVEN support group so keep your eyes open.

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy.

May30

From our family to your’s…

Happy Memorial Day!!!

May we all remember what today is truly about and give thanks.

“True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.”

-Arthur Ashe

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy

Buzz buzz little bee…

May12

After using a product called WartPEEL on Mermaid’s thicker patch of Nevus it proved to be raw and a bit painful. I had been sent some amazing products from a company called Wild Carrot Herbals and amongst them was a salve. I personally had never used one but thought it might be the trick, within 24 hours all the rawness, swelling and discomfort was gone. I was beyond tickled and started reading more about “salves”.

Mermaid has one particularly “itchy” spot on her back so I thought I would take a swing at making my own. I researched all the ingredients that potentially soothe dry or itchy skin, a few recipes and came up with my own concoction.

I’m blessed to have a lot of savvy people in my life so most of these ingredients were gifts from people’s own labor’s of love. I included:

Pure raw honey – (given a jar from the neighbors hives)
Organic Beeswax – (given a bar made by my parents from their swarm)
Shae butter – (given a pure bar from a local Oregon company)
Lavendar oil – (a gift from Mermaid’s Grandma)
Coconut oil
Baking soda

The process in harvesting beeswax is interesting and my Mom had some pretty great pictures – here are a few.

We gathered our ingredients:

Started prepping them, if you have ever tried “grating” beeswax, it’s not easy, Mermaid gave up on that part and let Mommy finish.

Melted part of them together:

Time consuming, I learned quickly that slow and steady is required. After it was all melted we removed it from the heat and slowly added our other ingredients.

We poured it into a few containers and waited for it to cool. I feared for a minute that it might not bind, it stayed liquid for better than an hour and we continued to mix it, but eventually, it became this nice smooth product.

Given the ingredients I expected it to be slightly oily, which it is but we put some on Mermaid’s arm and it absorbed quickly with less grease left behind than I assumed would be present.

We added a little garnish and closed up our afternoon project.

I suppose the real test will be to see how well it really works, I have high hopes!

We are going to ship a container to one of our “itchiest” Nevus babies on the other side of the country and let them be the true judge.

We have plenty of leftover ingredients so I feel a round two of a lotion coming on.

Round one of find a natural aide complete.

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy

Happy Mother’s Day!

May9

Mother’s Day, by definition, is a celebration honoring the Mother of the family, as well as motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society. Over the year’s, like many other holidays, it has bloomed into a bit of a Hallmark holiday. Cards, flowers, a gift, perhaps a nice gesture… and done. I question if buying someone flowers and signing your name on a card really encompasses “honoring” what Mother’s really are. So this year (yes, we still made cards and will do a nice gesture) I want to capture a little about what makes Mom’s so special.

For me, I don’t think I ever really grasped how important or hard a job it is to be a Mom until I became one myself. Sure, my Mom always asked me if I had clean underwear on while we were driving to the Dr. (what would she have done if I said no?), she fed me ice cream when I had my tonsils out, carted me back and forth to girl scout meetings, softball, basketball, volleyball, took me prom dress shopping, bought me my favorite ice cream from the schwan’s man, and let’s just be honest here…. she still loved me through my terrible teens and early twenties when I thought I knew it all, yet managed to screw up everything.

My Mom also did some things I will never forgive her for, like letting my Dad drive us to my junior high concert in a yellow 70’s something Chrysler my Grandparents had given us, it was the size of a house, literally, you could fit 17 people in it comfortably and if my memory serves me right, we got pulled over in front of the gym for everyone to see. She took me through the bank drive thru with curlers in my hair for all the ladies to gawk at and I’m pretty sure I had a mullet for a solid 2 years. She made me sit at the table with a plate of eggplant parmesan in front of me for at least 14 hours, what kid eats that? Really, what adult eats that? Gross. She made me pick up filberts, apples and plums from the yard for hours. Ever owned a filbert tree? Your lucky. It’s a really quick way to turn your children against you. When I was a teenager, my Mom & Dad rode their bicycles through town in spandex and helmets, even to the river where I was hanging out with friends jumping out of a tree into the water cheering me on. Talk about embarrassing. Worst ever, wore matching fanny packs with my Dad in PUBLIC, once, for an ENTIRE vacation in California.

So ya, My Mom did the great normal Mom stuff, the embarrassing, I will never forgive or forget stuff… but she did two other things and these are the things I want to recognize today, as we honor our Mom’s.

#1. My Mom created stuff and let me be free. She did and still does all those things that are a dying breed. She painted, did ceramics, quilted, canned, made jam, salsa, sewed my Halloween costumes, gardened, took us to the river and let us run free while she enjoyed the sunshine and a good book, let me float the creek with friends and walk on the country road back home with no parents, let me ride my bike all around town with friends for hours, play kickball in the middle of the road with the whole neighborhood, go on a road trip with the neighbors, travel to Canada with my aunt and uncle, sleep in tents in the yard, be bussed to a school 20 miles outside of town in the middle of nowhere with about 20 kids where we learned about the forest, hiked and got to play hockey in the gym with the Portland Winterhawks… she taught me how to be creative and make things and live outside the box. She stayed close, but let me wander.

I look around my house today and see things she has created, and things I have created. Had she not done those things, I probably wouldn’t have either. I truly believe my expression through writing stems from feeling a sense of freedom for so long. The world feels like a different place now and some of the things we were free to do as kids may not pan out but I am grateful that at that time in my life, my Mom recognized that it was ok to let me find my own adventures. I already see myself doing the same things with my own daughter. Teaching her to cook, taking her to the river for the entire day while she explores, creating lotions and scrubs for her skin, it all stems from my own Mom’s creativity. For that, I feel honored.

#2. I selfishly resented my Mom for this decision for a long time, but stay with me, it makes sense, I promise. Up until a certain age my Mom was always around. She was there when I got home from school, took me everywhere I needed to go and tucked me in at night. She had gone to college when she was younger and graduated but didn’t find a good use with her degree, then came marriage and kids, for so long we were her world, and she was mine.

She made a decision when I was in grade school to go back to college to become an RN. Suddenly she was gone, or studying and wasn’t all mine anymore. After she finished and started her career she was gone nights, weekends, holidays… paying her dues as a new nurse, but all I knew, is that she wasn’t there as much. I don’t know that until this very moment that I have ever actually admitted that I was jaded about it for a while. When your young, you don’t always understand the reasons for adult decisions. I wasn’t able to see that as much as she needed her own identity, she did it for us, her family.

As an adult I now understand and respect that decision. I can’t imagine our lives had she not made that decision, but I didn’t always make it easy on her, I became a rotten and at times ungrateful teenager and for that, I am sorry. As I look back now, and from a “Mom” perspective, I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that was. To juggle family, home, work and school, it’s a tough feat. Something I certainly do not long to do. As a result of her decision she has done some of the things that make me admire her the most. Like working in hospice. A job where you are there to make people comfortable in their end days, you become attached to their families, to the patient, only to have to let go. A job I truly believe only an angel can do. She worked her way through the ranks managing many different units and teams, worked in critical settings making life decisions and made career choices that ensured a better future for all of us.

I didn’t like college, more than a few times I changed my path, stopped going, wanted to quit… but I knew if she could do it with all those other factors in play, I could too. My Mom gave me the strength to finish, and for that, I am honored.

It’s important for me to recognize the things I did not always understand at the time because one day, I may be in the same boat with own daughter. On the flip side, it’s equally important for me to share what these things mean to me today. I am much better at putting things in writing than saying them in person so I dont give my Mom the credit she deserves on a daily basis but need her to know her worth.

Our Mom’s are so much of who we are, I only hope that when my Mom looks as me, it’s with the same pride and honor as I have when I look at her.

There is no truer statement than “it takes a village”, I had surrogate Mom’s that took me in as well, Aunts galore; Cindy, Leora, Pam, older cousins, My Mom’s best friend – my Aunt Miss, my Godmother Peggy my best friend’s Mom’s Tammy and Maryellen, they all fed me, kept me in line… called my real Mom when I was hanging out with boys I shouldn’t have been or throwing parties when my parents were gone, thanks for that by the way, but they too helped plant seeds of freedom, creativity and hard work. As I look back I feel so thankful for my village.

I now have my own daughter, and she too, has her own village. Where I try to instill all the wonderful things my village gave me, I am a working Mom, I love my job, I sometimes contemplate if I’m doing the right thing, that perhaps I should stay home with her, but the truth is, I am my best me when I have more than one responsibility. I was nearly 9 years into my career before she came so in a sense, it’s my baby too.

When I cannot be there she is in the hands of her teachers who have helped raise her since she was 4-months old. A group of Women who I trust whole heartedly to do right by my precious gift and encourage her free soul. She has Auntie Nay and Grandma who step in when needed. She has Mommy’s friends Jen and Molly who treat her as their own and she has this whole network of people here, from around the world, rooting her on in her uniqueness.

My favorite thing about being a Mom is watching the world through Mermaid’s eyes. With the exception of believing swiper fox will steal everything she owns, she is unscathed. Everything is amazing and exciting. The tiny villages of ants in our yard are a precious world to her. She thinks the bees live here to make honey just for her. There is no concept of time outside of light and dark and responsibilies are an after thought. She believes she is a ninja, a mermaid and a chef, so I believe she is too.

This Mother’s Day, opposed to just a card or a nice gesture, I challenge you to tell your village those things they did that make you proud, the things that make you feel honored to have them. The things that added value in making you who you are today.

To my Mom and my village, where I know I did not always make the best choices, I came out on the upside because of who you all have been for me. Mom, I am proud and honored by each and everything you have taught me, each and every decision you have made for me, be it easy or hard, and thankful that you were chosen to be mine.

Happy Mother’s Day to all my fellow Mommy’s.

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy

Sun’s up…

Apr11

It seems like only days ago it was near dark as I drove home from work. I’m use to it spending the majority of my life in the Pacific Northwest, and don’t get me wrong, I love it here, I have tried living other places only to miss my four distinguished seasons; but this year I seem to be ready sooner than most for longer days.

Nearly overnight we went from being stuck inside from 5:00 pm until the following day, to not even thinking about stepping foot inside until close to 8:00. The past few nights we have witnessed the signs of summer creeping in. The neighbors came out and we shared an evening walk/bike ride, dinner on the patio, lawns being mowed, flowers blooming, birds chirping… It’s as if new life has taken form on our sleepy country road.

Those that know me well; know one of my happy places is surrounded by our friends. Many of them I consider family. The first sight of sunshine and I was already planning a BBQ. Yes, I love our friends, but their presence is so much more than just company. These are the people who stood beside us as we said our vows, paced the lobby with my family when Mermaid was refusing to join us in the world, cried with us when we lost loved ones, supported me when I said I have this crazy idea to start sharing our life online, reached out and waited just as impatiently as we did for Mermaid’s diagnosis, get us through our days when we are away from our family and did all of this, plus countless more, not because they had too, bound by blood, but because they wanted too.

(Don’t worry those of you that couldn’t make it, we feel the same about you!)

We are blessed ten fold to be surrounded by people who despite our individual religious or political views, despite where we came from or where were headed, continue to make that choice in walking with us. I have spoke before about how important the people we walk through life are, they have helped shape who we are today and who we will become tomorrow. They are a solid. It’s important to me to show that solidarity to Mermaid, to show her that from the beginning she has had all this support. That despite her differences, she is now and always will be surrounded by a solid. If we can teach her now, the importance of building those meaningful, lasting relationships, she will build that for herself when we are no longer responsible for her surroundings.

I took a brief moment to stand in the kitchen, veered past the dried out yellow rose in my window sill, and watched life happen from a distance. I saw one of our Groomsmen catering to a 3 year old child he felt as his own, a couple well on their way to beginning life – attempting to have a child, a former co-worker turned best friend laughing a belly laugh I hadn’t seen in quite some time, my soul sister watching her new love with gazing eyes, Our responsible DD on duty waiting for her next call indulging in everyone’s antics, Newer friends sliding into the madness as if they had been there forever.. I paused, took it all in… and rejoined life.

I hope if for nothing else in this world for my Mermaid, that one day, she too, will look out her own window and see how grand life can be. That for small moments in time we are all connected, all the same, despite how different we really are.

I started this post the night after our BBQ, above is as far as I made it, I had a better ending, I had a real connection to my point, but that fell short by one of the people I gazed out at…. tragically losing their life the following day. I have hesitated to post this, perhaps it would feel inappropriate in the wake of life’s events, drudge up hurt or sorrow, but I decided to finish. Afterall, our journey, be it Doctors appointments, public shame, questions, is what I signed up for. I took an oathe to myself and or readers to share our journey, so I will now try to conclude.

Many moons ago I met an amazing young woman, we went to college together. We started within a short time of eachother at the same company, in the same department, with the same doctors. Our professional connection means little. I honestly cant remember a time in my life where said person and I couldnt pick up the phone and hash out lifes issues, Through weddings and babies, SO many crazy nights, our “crew” moving away, making new lives, and finding ourselves, we were there.

I hadnt seen her happiness shine through the way it did that day in a long time. They were the couple starting a new life – attempting to have a child. Her better half lost his life in a tragic motorcycle accident the following day. For someone who feels pretty confident in their words, I don’t at this time. I wish I could say that things get easier with time, I can’t. I want to text, call, show up and think that my presence makes it better, but I know it doesn’t. I KNOW more than anyone could ever possibly imagine that an event of this magnitutde leaves you stranded.

Here is what I will remember, on a sunny day in April, rare to the pacific northwest, I got to laugh and share about life with the person that made her so happy. We shared not only a Birthday month, but a work anniersary. That for a brief moment, I stood back and watched, I saw, I know, what happiness is.

I cannot give the happy ending I intended this post to have the way I would like too, but what I can do, is promise you, promise you all, anyone that takes the time to read this, that whether you know I feel it, or see it, your presence, big and small, gives me hope for better days. Your mere presence gives me the strength to continue writing about our journey and know, to really, really know, that Mermaid has the best most amazing foundation anyone could ask for.

Our random April get together was sporadic, it was fed by my own selfish need to feel the rays on my back and the love of our friends, and it will forever remain that.

I will share with Mermaid, later in life, the people that made me… well… me… and to everyone present, know that you too, will forever be a part of our solid.

Cheers to sunny Saturday’s.

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy

DSCN1051 (2) DSCN1027 (2).JPG

Happy Birthday Mommy’s Mermaid!

Apr10

Today officially marks ONE YEAR of Mommy’s Mermaid. I want to start by thanking each and every one of you that are reading this now, and anyone that has ever stopped in to see what we are up too. Without you, we would not still be here.

I had this idea for a while before starting it and one night decided just to jump in head first. I knew absolutely nothing about the blogging world. I had no idea how to start, how to get eyes on my writing or how to share our journey. I am still learning but have found a few avenues to help gain publicity and for that, I am ever so grateful.

I knew if it was going to flop I would know fairly quickly. I remember my first month having nearly 500 people stop in to visit and I was floored. I decided to set a personal goal of roughly 10,000 visitors by our Birthday. If I hit that number, or anything even close to it, I would know my time and energy would somehow be validated. Well, guess what? We hit it!

The past year has taught me so much. I think of a quote by C.S. Lewis…

“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.”

It’s so true, I felt nothing change but as I look back over the past year it’s all so different. Mommy’s Mermaid re-sparked my desire to write. It went from an idea on the chalkboard in my kitchen to a part of our family. As long as I can remember I loved to write. As a school age child I wrote a Children’s book, in Junior High I started writing poetry, High School I did a lot of free writing, had a small gig with a local newspaper and journaling; and as a young adult I had this burning desire to tackle a book. Life happened, I went through a lot personally as a young adult. I experienced a massive amount of death, had some pretty terrible things happen to me which I will choose not to delve into and I did not deal well with any of it, I spiraled a bit and spent years not caring about much of anything. To put it bluntly, I was a hot mess. I needed that though, I needed to stumble to show myself I could prevail. It might not make sense to you but I am the type of person that loves with everything I have. I might not say it on a daily basis or shout it from the rooftop but I feel it. Everything I experienced left me broken and empty. I spent a few years repairing myself and some of the damage I had caused and more recently learned to let go of some of that grief. I found my passion again through Mommy’s Mermaid.

This past year as led me to some pretty amazing acquaintances and friendships. I look forward to the day so may of us get to meet in person. Multiple local businesses have sent me products and encouraged me to continue our journey and Mermaid herself has become aware of her “scales” and her “computer self” and loves to help Mommy create and try new “special soaps” or products.

My original plan was to write about what we knew, Linear Epidermal Nevus, but over time I realized that there are so many different forms of nevus that many of us would never know existed without the internet to connect us all. There are so many things we can do together to help change the face of this disease. Number one, awareness. The psychological effects from owning a nevus alone can be devastating. For those challenged with syndromes and physical complications it can be life altering and life threatening. We have an opportunity to raise money for those families needing to pay for medical expenses, time off work and trials. We can help support research to hopefully one day, find a cure, be it for those who develop cancer or simply for cosmetic purposes to decrease mental health issues. Over this past year I have realized that Mermaid’s disease is next to nothing in comparison to others, but the existence of it is what started this all.

I have learned that simply writing about the “facts” – what the diseases are, the potential complications, testing involved etc. is not so captivating. To those with the disease it’s helpful but those without need a different connection to help understand where we are coming from. Writing about our daily experiences with others, sharing stories of other nevus owners and putting bits in about our personal life gains the most interest. So much of this disease is navigating the day to day changes, one day can be unbearable while another you can completely forget it exists. Where you may not focus on the physical challenges daily, we monitor the emotional challenges non-stop. Being able to connect with our readers on a multitude of levels is imperative, even if that leaves us vulnerable at times. Again, I thank you for your interest in our story.

Over the past year we have learned about and gone through the biopsy process, vision concerns, eye testing, participated in research, met fellow nevus owners in person, shared trials and experimented with some heavy products, shared other peoples stories, raised some money for a few families and opened up our lives very publically. Through all of that, my favorite moments are still the random messages thanking us for speaking so openly, people reaching out with their stories and those just wanting to talk. Being the parent of a Nevus owner sometimes leaves us feeling helpless so the fact that ANYONE would choose me to reach out to just to talk is humbling.

I have a pretty drastic idea for a big change coming to Mommy’s Mermaid over the next couple of months and if I choose to take the plunge I hope you all come with me, until then, I will continue plugging away and bringing you as interesting of material as my brain can conjure up; and who knows, maybe this will be the year I finish a book!

We are eternally grateful for all your support.

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy

Mommy's Mermaid

Our Journey

Tag Archive | linear epidermal nevus

Small gestures make big things happen!

Mermaid’s Ashore!

Eye see you…

Our skin will not define us…

Tides are changing…

From our family to your’s…

Happy Memorial Day!!!

May we all remember what today is truly about and give thanks.

“True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.”

-Arthur Ashe

Thanks for walking with us today,

Mermaid’s Mommy

Buzz buzz little bee…

Happy Mother’s Day!

Sun’s up…

Happy Birthday Mommy’s Mermaid!